Sunday, November 6, 2011

11/06 When Good Imax Goes Bad

Yesterday, after the weather cleared a bit, Sam and I decided to be hip and go to the IMAX show at the NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC GRAND CANYON VISITORS' CENTER.
Now, I love IMAX. I mean who doesn't? To feel like you are flying/floating/running/driving/jumping/doing drugs... etc. is an amazing experience. I mean, I STILL have fond memories of almost vomiting on the guy in front of me during a showing of To Be an Astronaut at the Detroit Science Center. Anyway, we thought, hey, since we both had a hard time conceptualizing the Grand Canyon, we thought we'd get another perspective. Not to mention, we also had a bit of cabin fever after hanging out in Monty most of the day.
After driving an hour to Tusayan near the Grand Canyon, we realized that the next showing of the film wasn't for another forty minutes. To pass the time, I nearly purchased a "Hug me, I'm a Little Chili!!!" onesie for Harper (Jess and Donnie's little one), and a terrifying rattlesnake mug to cure me of ANY desire to ingest caffeine in the morning. After this brush with shopping doom, we decided to hang out by the burnt popcorn and the Sierra Mist (which I, of course, demanded).
At 5:25 pm, the excitement began to build. Folks were lining up, and in just moments, the doors to the theater would be opened. In a minute, the whoosh of cool theater air greeted us, as we followed the mobs of tour-bused-in-visitors. We sat in our perfect middle-to-back seats, and tuned into the sadly low-resolution previews...
Thirty-five minutes later, we walked out of the show and looked at each other. It took about three and a half minutes for Sam to immediately began mimicking the narrator (think really deep, important-sounding voice): "WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL BECOME OF MAN IN THE SHADOW OF THE GRRRRAHHHND CANYON! ONLY THE PAHWERS OF NATURE HOLD THE TRUTH!!!!"
Oh geez...
First of all, I just found out that this movie was actually released in 1984. Uh, yeah. I didn't make that up. Can I repeat that? 1984. Like George Orwell. To make matters worse, apparently this is the longest running IMAX film ever. At least that's what we were led to believe. Now, we're both pretty sure that it's not because of the content. Yeah, I know, I was pretty much on the edge of my seat during the river scenes, but did we really need the bad Spanish-speaking conquistor in the previous sequence, or the side-boob shot at the beginning?
I really think the guys from National Geographic who filmed it (over 20 years ago!) were like, "Yeah man, awesome ultralight shot man! Yeah, let's run that rowboat down the river just for the f*&^$#k of it... It will look awesome!"
To make matters worse, there is a REALLY COOL Grand Canyon Imax movie narrated by Robert Redford, and with music by DAVE MATTHEWS. Did the NGCGVC offer that movie?

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